katertaters.blogspot.com

thats all

I have the most amazing friends

Promise
Laura
Emma
Jacobe
Justin

They mean the world to me and life wouldnt be as fun and crazy if I didnt have them.
I love you guys!

yay for costume parties!

I'm really happy.


Lover by Devendra Banhart is a favorite

I dont know what i want.

haha

secret codes.

and...

it's funny how feelings resurface.
i like him, again.

please oh please stay cold, I want to drink hot chocolate

oh shoot that last blog was ridiculous.

Nick and Norah's infinite playlist.

why cant i have a guy like him

The best thing ever introduced to me:

Charles Bukowski, read his work.

I made a huge breakfast for my roomie this morning and it made me realize just how much i love mornings...now get ready for a corny line... but mornings are freeing because you get a new chance, the feel, the cool air, everyone is always happy, and nothing will ever come close to the feeling of waking up, sitting on my patio, and reading as the sun comes up.

It's nice to have my best friend back in town, i missed her here in Redlands.

:]

"Put your hand on your heart"
"The heart uselessly open to 3 words, which is too little"
"He is punished by place, by scene,by all that holds all he has found, this pavement, the silent symbols."
-George Oppen

" you're only young once
you want a new life
you want a new chance
you want another dance
you just want to do somethin good for someone."

"You are the best. You are the worst. You are average.Your love is a part of you.You try to give
it away because you cannot bear its radiance,but you cannot separate it from yourself.To understand your fellow humans,you must understand why you give them your love.You must realize that hate is but a crime-ridden subdivision of love.You must reclaim what you never lost.You must take leave of your sanity,and yet be fully responsible for your actions."

I actually liked you. Does that mean anything?

I'm so tired of people messing around.
Stop saying shit you dont mean.

for a while ive been tampering with different ideas for my future, i know i ultimately wanted to teach but having such a fixed lifestyle on the contrary didnt sound as appealing as i had hoped. So when rummaging through ideas i came up with this:



get my teaching credentials so i can teach elementary school

start teaching

go back to school to get my masters and possibly phd in communications or something

(still dont really know this one yet)

study abroad in Greece, Italy, Spain, Ireland, France, India, Costa Rica, and England while getting my degree and possibly teach english to little kids while in the other countries ( so i can have some money to survive)

and either i stay in one of those countries or i come back to be a professor.



You know that whole " you learn about yourself as you get older" saying well this is what ive come to understand about myself settling down is a hard concept for me. Now dont get me wrong having a family is great, and i want one but i dont want to stay in one place all the time. As everyone says there is so much to see and i dont want to limit myself. Ideally i would like to go all over the world. ah im restless.

You learn a lot about yourself moving out. You learn your boundaries, what you stand for, where you fit in and most definitely where you dont. You learn what people are about how little you should trust them. It makes you grow up in a matter of weeks. Its you on your own with no one to cry to. It's a lot of responsibility and a lot of freedom. You come to know just how to manage your time and what life is really like. Granite i have more to learn and im open to that, this experience is like no other, and im taking every bit of it in.

literally everything has changed, i love it.

woo

things are coming together!

none of this is really relevant anymore

im taking a break from this.

it's home now

i have this new fascination with cooking. It's all i want to do now

i made garlic chicken with white rice sunday
monday i made orange chicken and had potatoes, bell peppers, and onions mixed with some seasoning
this morning was eggs and papitas ( a Mexican style of seasoning sliced potatoes) and banana pancakes
tonight is bbq chicken with some assorted vegetables.

lol this is so not interesting sorry.

my roommate moved in and i love absolutely love her, this year should be a blast.

ahhh im still sick this is getting old.

:/

i want to play tennis dangit

im feeling betttter!!!!! wooo

and i completely re furnished my living room hah because i felt it would look better with something else i had in mind. its not done yet though

oh and i have a bf that takes care of me :D

finallly you asked joe ;]

it sucks being hyper mentally and sick physically shoot thats the worst combination.

.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I spent yesterday with my mom and unfortunately found out the hard way that i had the stomach flu, but other than that i reallly enjoyed spending time with her!
Today hopefully ill get to see my best friend justin!!

venice

so this boy brought me a bouquet of daisies to my door, took me to get my favorite ice cream then surprised me with a jazz concert at the redlands bowl and then a few days later takes me to venice and santa monica. I think i should keep him. :]

ah

darling, you make me nervous.

finally

i hate being a naturally indecisive person but i finally now know what i want.

things are still a mess.

I moved in and im having a blast:]
It all seems too good to be true.
I wouldnt want my life any other way right now

beach

oh and this is one of my best friends Laura, she had this picture and i thought it was adorable.

new

To be completely honest it's kind of a weird time for me. Everyone keeps asking if im excited to move out, anxious or nervous, and i am, but a word rarely used or asked for that matter is upset. Now i'm not wondering why the word isnt used, because this is something i have wanted for so long. I keep myself up at night thinking just how im going to decorate my apartment , or the kind of gatherings and other festivities im going to have. Its freedom. It's me on my own, with myself held fully responsible. However, scared isnt the word or feeling that comes to mind. I'm sitting in my room ive spent hours emptying out, going through dusty drawers and forgotten spaces sorting out my things, ... making executive decisions on just what to part with, and as this room has been trampled through, and torn apart. It's now empty. It's what ive spent years putting together and its alll taken out.

Its now that the room evokes that word. I'm sad. Lame word... yes. But im sad. Its not that im going far. Its that im not living where i have for years or having my mom across the hall. Its not being in this room.

It's just really different

p.a.i.n.t

i decided on being productive today so i took out my bedroom furniture, moved it outside, bought some black paint, and painted my dresser and desk. It's all set and ready to go for tuesday. And might i add painting is a fun little ordeal.

.

i can't forget.

Ill buy you a pound of chocolate

he is alluring and his smile is wonderful.

he is charming.

went to newport to visit my best friend Laura in her beach house for 2 and half days (which had 18 people staying in it :)) went surfing, bike riding, shopping and all those good things. Straight from newport to long beach to catch the boat heading to catalina with my family and decided to try kayaking, and again went bike riding around the island, rented a golf cart, took a nice swim in the ocean, and walked around. best four days of my life.

?

I want to meet a boy that brings a bouquet of daises to my door, who prefers kissing my forehead and who gets a little shy.

where are you?

one week

so i decided to get away for a few days and spend some time in the mountains at the cabin our family has, and all i can say is that it was just what i needed.
I talked with family, saw a few movies, and enjoyed the outdoors, now its all back to reality... i move out in 2 and half weeks and i need to start packing, getting together furniture and little necessities.
This week should be really busy with hanging out with my best friend justin, going to laura's condo in Newport, going to Catalina with my family pluss going to work, seeing mama mia with my friend dan, getting stuff ready, registering for classes, rock climbing again. shoot.

1.2.3

Went rock climbing yesterday and saw my most missed best friend laura
yesterday was a goood day.

oh...

"Half the fun of the travel is the esthetic of lostness"-Ray Bradbury.

I will travel.

"palm springs palm canyon 21 palms palm desert palm palm palm"

Yesterday went to work and then straight after saw my friend Jacobe, who i havent seen since graduation, and went to Palm Canyon Resort and Spa with him and his family. We swam in the pool equipped with water slides, drank smoothies, and went to dinner on the Palm Springs strip, shopped and ended our night.
I miss seeing these people everyday like i use to.

Work has been fun and im enjoying the few days i have off, and making the most of this summer.

Move out in 3 weeks
ah

well

This really isn't blog worthy but after being told by numerous, and i mean a lot of people that im a nerd i realized how true it is, i get shy and awkward at times, i stutter when my nerves get the best of me, i wish my life was a musical, when i laugh really hard i snort, i like the temptations, I still cant talk around boys i like,i make funny faces, and i think the weirdest things are the best, i talk really really fast when i get excited,i think a smart skinny boy is the most attractive thing ever (muscles are disgusting) i could go to a museum and be perfectly content, and i still like the damn disney channel... lol my love life now makes sense


hmm

look

" i never said to feel relaxed, i never said to love me back
in my mind it all goes back, lost control of what i had"

I watched a little girl about lose control in mere happiness over stickers and balloons today, how things change, and how our source of happiness is dependent on more challenging matters as we grow older.

I adore the simplicity in adolescence.

h is for hot.

breakfast with the best friend justin

thrift store shopping and furniture shopping for my apt. (got a couch :D)

Michael's for our bracelets

work work work work

sushi with my mer-bear aka another best friend

bike riding

Four Preps concert

HOME!



shheesh

all of it

You only have so much time.

him again :]
amazing people i work with, and i mean they are incredible
friends

sometimes when nothing is going on at all, those are the times you see things clearly.

this blog makes no sense, and it wasnt intended too, i often dont make sense.

with age

sad to see where people end up.

oh and i work far too much.

july

Last night i went on a 2 hour bike ride with my friends Dan and Meredith. We rode these really cool road bikes and went all through the University of Redlands, to state street, and then to the Redlands bowl. We came across a violin, piano, and opera summer concert that was absolutely breath taking. We relaxed for a while and enjoyed the music. and at that moment I sat there and realized how incredibly lucky i am to have these people in my life. Not only do we have a blast and do the most random things together but they are such inspiring and amazing people. After that we rode around some more and ended our little journey.
To top off my great night i woke up this morning and went to breakfast with my sister (not literally) Emma and had so much fun. Later on I went to my friend Mack's house with Emma and swam, sat outside, and later watched a movie. I love those girls.

I have incredible people in my life.

it is

I work at Trader Joes and when working register, stocking shelves, or preparing sample foods for the demo stations, i people watch. Not the creepy stalker-ish nosy kind of thing, i just like to observe interactions between people. I see families, old couples and young, single mothers and fathers, and the ones who come alone. In doing so i came to learn a lot about people. A lot about how we communicate, and what we seek. Often times things are rushed. We dont have time to wait for our groceries to be bagged, for items to be checked. We want in and we want out. We have lost touch of the casual conversation or the occasional smile. We simply dont have the time. We are worked, cynical, and bothered. Things that do not come instantly piss us off. Don't get me wrong not everyone is put under this generalization i am making, and this is not just in the grocery business its everywhere. Why dont we have time to smile and talk about the weather. Why is it that the only topic we can seem to come up with is the 'horrible war in iraq' or the 'raging gas prices'. All we focus on is negative. We, and i include myself in this, need to smile. Embrace the change and roll with it. Find something to love, and be happy and ecstatic about it. Lets talk about the wonderful weekend we had with family instead of the dreadful monday, and how about for once slow down, take in what is taking place right now. Be someone that is contagious and uplifting. This is not an inspirational speech but im sick of bitter. Spend time with people who matter and do something that will create a spark.

It doesn't really need a name

I like the way things are turning out. Life has switched its course, and im content.

On a side note
Lots of sushi and tons of green tea (from the coffee bean) seem to be traversing through my mind lately.

ah

i think i like him :/
liking people can be so inconvenient

that time

Fin

Senior breakfast
Grad Night on the Yacht
Graduation Practice
Graduation...
the chaos has subsided.
It's all one big blur, i actually ended up speaking at graduation leading everyone in the pledge of allegiance ahhh i have honestly had the time of my life.

mmmm mm

I am becoming my own person, no longer do people or my surroundings dictate who i am or who ill become. I am pleased with where i am at and what lies ahead. Things are starting to work out nicely, and I've learned that a positive attitude can honestly do wonders.

well

This could very well be because i just worked 10-2 at Serenity and 3-11:30 at Trader Joes but things dont feel right. I'm about to graduate and all im doing is working. I dont have any time for friends, for enjoying my last weeks of high school and the time of year where friends get "closer" heh that's been a joke. I feel like ive lost touch of who i am and what life is really about. I need the money so i have to work but i dont know...is putting that much on your plate just for money worth it? Is that what is going to make me look back and smile? I LOVE my job dont get me wrong but school and TWO jobs is getting wearing. I want my life back.

p.s.

i miss my best friend Meredith

J.O.B

Got the job at Trader Joes and im really anxious to start.
Should be a good time.

arch support

walk walk walk walk walk
that's what i did with my lovely friend today in redlands


p.s if anyone is interested in moving to an apartment in redlands aug 5th message me

"one day you will wake up, breathe, and say i'm okay"

I don't know how to really start this, and im not in much of a mood to care too much. This year has been insane and I've truly underestimated the change that can take place within a year. You come to expect you will grasp some new concepts, maybe mature a bit, and most obviously, experience what many refer to it as 'a taste of the real world.' I didn't come to expect i would lose people in my life or come to a point where I don't need to depend on people for my source of happiness. It's hard to admit, but i wasn't okay with who i was. I relied on people to make me feel loved, or important. At the time it was working out okay, however there came a time when those people i 'counted' on were gone. I had to make myself happy, and believe i didnt need anyone (except for family :]) It was a harsh reality and as crazy as it sounds it took 6 months. I had my highs and lows but each day thankfully got better.I learned being alone is okay. God can be an amazing best friend, and Moms are the ultimate healers. I spent my time enjoying life, meeting tons of new people, opening up, and not being so afraid to let people see the real me. I tried ballet, took some life threatning risks,took a road trip, spoke what i really felt, tried new foods hehe, started playing guitar again, went to my 2nd concert ever, started teaching preschool, stayed up for 24 hours... and let go.
This year has been hell, however it has also been the most fun.

This has made me a better person, and all the crap that went on is now well worth it.

im ready for the rest.

$$

or



if all goes well ill be working at one of these places

gotta pay the bills

hats off

1. finals week is coming up
2. journalism in class issue to write for
3. teaching preschool
4. work
5. school blood drive
6. scholarships awards night
7. csusb registration and orientation
8. apartment hunting
9. get a 2nd job
10. senior rally
11. student council installation dinner
12. grad night
13. grad practice
14. senior breakfast
15. GRADUATE


It's weird, I feel like im going through the motions but im not living.
There is so much to do.

after a night of hell

My house got broken into last night and words will never be able to truly describe how terrified and awful it was. To make matters worse, I was in the house when they tried to. So going off of my 3 hours of sleep, Meredith and I decided to take a bit of a break by going to Pink Berry today. Sugar helps everything. ;]

husband-to-be

He makes me short of breath

"I want one of those"

My friend Sara got married yesterday,and it was honestly so surreal. I've got to say though that weddings are a blast-the ceremony, reception, food, friends, I love it.

speaks for itself

I can't remember what is wrong
I've been happy now for way too long
and oh, we got a lot more to go
I put a trash can by the road
and filled it up just to lighten my load
but oh, I got no where to go

someone alone fell asleep by the phone
waiting like a dog for a bone
how can it be that a fish in the sea
could feel like it's completely alone?
the world may never know

I know it hurt you, 'cause you cried
I know it killed you, but nobody died
and oh, the city ain't nothin but show
I found a needle in the hay
I found the sunshine at the end of the day
and oh, I found a pearl in the snow

someone alone fell asleep by the phone
waiting like a dog for a bone
how can it be that a fish in the sea
could feel like it's completely alone?
the world may never know.

-Dr. Dog

addicts

Redlands.
Pilates.
Bikes.
Green tea.
Casual Conversations.
House hunting.
Victorian homes.
Uphill and down.
Sunset.
Sleep.

These days define.

5/18/08

Matt Costa and Delta Spirit concert- by far the best time i've had this year.

5 more weeks

stay focused.


this is starting to become a problem.

9:00am

Tomorrow morning my friends and I are going Jacobe's house to make some breakfast. :]
My favorite meal of the day with my favorite people.

Ha see i'm a good cook.
(i'm the one with the barney shirt on the very right haha)

What's in the air

It feels like everything is so out of touch. What I once thought possible, isn't. The people I thought were there for me, weren't. It's crazy to think that what we deem as definite often times falls through. Seeing matters in an optimistic way has been proving to be rather disappointing and it's making me question whether or not I should actually count on things. I'm not all so sure where i'm suppose to go or where I even fit in. It's one big game of chance- I feel like i'm up in the air waiting to see where I fall.
However, the decisions I make now are going to and are determining my future. What I chose will change it drastically. How do you know which is right? Oh my, these sort of thoughts drive me insane.

"So glad to meet you"

Favorite.
Elliot Smith- Angeles

Someone's always coming around here trailing some new kill
says I seen your picture on a hundred dollar bill
and what's a game of chance to you, to him is one of real skill
so glad to meet you, Angeles

picking up the ticket shows there's money to be made
go on and lose the gamble that's the history of the trade
you add up all the cards left to play to zero
and sign up with evil, Angeles

don't start me trying now
'cause I'm all over it, Angeles

I could make you satisfied in everything you do
all your secret wishes could right now be coming true
and be forever with my poison arms around you
no one's gonna fool around with us
no one's gonna fool around with us
so glad to meet you, Angeles

Family

words can't describe

Time

Change has never been an easy thing for me to cope with, actually it has been one of my biggest fears. So, in respect to this overwhelming fear and anxiety, being even five minutes away from friends and family was simply out of the question. The idea would receive nothing more than a few seconds of thought or consideration. Leaving what I have always known, starting over, and god forbid making new friends was outrageous. Changing seats in class threw me off, let alone moving. Nope.
Something changed though, going some place else, starting over, it all suddenly sounded ideal. I'm finally ready to stop living such a fixed and planned out life. I want to do something I'm deathly afraid of, and make it the best experience possible.

Its o.k

I can't please you.
I can't always be what you want.
I'm sorry.

Sondre,

I love you.

Walk Fast

Relay for life was yesterday and I have to say I honestly had an amazing time.

My friends and I walked 4 to 5 hours overall, and until now I didn't realize just how valuable that time actually was. That time was spent talking, listening, and just enjoying one anothers company, something I often take for granite. We shared in each others misery and exhaustion but spent the day laughing and playing ridiculous card games. I learned just how lucky I am to have these people in my life, and how much I will miss them when we all go our seperate ways for college. They mean everything to me.

Found this

Quickly became one of my closest friends.